Shermer; IL– All government offices will remain closed today as local citizens continue to cope with the loss of their most treasured son. John Hughes Jr. died Thursday of a heart attack while visiting family in New York.
Shermer Mayor Jake Ryan decreed that flags at all city buildings be flown at half staff until further notice.
“It’s the very least we could do to honor Mr. Hughes,” Ryan said. “I encourage all Shermerites to do the same at their businesses and homes.”
Ryan said he was taking the news especially hard. “I’ve known Mr. Hughes since my glory days at Shermer High School. He’s always been there to offer inspiration and guidance.” Mayor Ryan learned about the sudden death of Hughes during a family gathering. “I was out back grilling when Samantha ran out and handed me the phone. Stunned, devastated, those were the immediate reactions.”
“After we had a moment to ourselves, we started spreading the word,” Ryan said. “I called Ted and Caroline immediately, while Sam rang up Ginny, Mike and even made an overseas call to Long Duk. It’s amazing the reach of Mr Hughes’ influence.”
“I’ve told people about him everywhere I’ve gone,” said Del Griffith, Director of Sales for American Light and Fixture, Shower Curtain Ring Division. “After Marie died, I was going to give up the traveling salesman business, then I ran into Mr. Hughes at a diner one morning. We had a couple of slices of pie and he told me it was what I loved and what I was supposed to do. Had it not been for that conversation, I never would have met Neal, and I wouldn’t have a best friend.”
Hughes’ memory will live on in many ways. Lisa Inc co-founder and CFO Gary Wallace said the company planned to endow a John Hughes scholarship. “Me and Wyatt did not even come up with the idea, our wives, Deb and Hilly actually brought us the plan.” It will be a company wide effort Wallace added. “Everyone at Lisa Inc will be contributing. From me and CEO Donnelly, all the way down to our limo driver Ian, our currier Max and even our custodian Chet.”
Many other of Shermer’s wealthiest residence made plans for honoring Hughes as well. “I am thinking a parade,” said Ferris Bueller. “I mean, if I can’t use my lottery winnings to throw a big party in his memory, then what good is the money?”
The funeral for Hughes has people coming to Shermer from all over the globe. “Me and the family are currently in Abu Dhabi,” said local food additives researcher Clark Griswold. “I have a new bar-b-q sauce I have been trying to market in the Middle East. It hasn’t been going well and we have been wanting, and encouraged, to get back to Illinois soon anyway.”
Local law enforcement is prepared for the possible surge of people coming to town to pay their respects to Hughes. “We have a contingency plan in place,” said Shermer Police Chief John Bender. “I spoke with Kevin Mcallister, who as you know runs the top private home security business in the nation, and he has told me he will provide his employees at no cost to help with crowd control.”
The service is expected to take place in the Andrew Clark Gymnasium at Shermer High School, according to Principal Carl Reed. “I’ve already have Dick Vernon and the rest of the maintenance staff setting up the chairs.”
Local artist Allison Reynolds has donated one of her paintings to the Hughes family, and award winning writer Brian Johnson is expected to contribute an essay.
Some residents were obviously more affected than others. “Well, that’s not very nice. I’m sad,” said Phillip F. Dale, owner of Duckie’s, Shermer’s only upscale men’s clothing boutique. “Well here’s… here’s the point. I’m not particularly concerned with whether or not he liked me, because I lived to like him and… and I can’t like him anymore. So… so when I’m feeling real low and… and dirty, and my heart is splattered all over hell, I can’t look to him to pump me back up cause… cause… cause maybe for the first time in my life he won’t be there!”
In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made to the Northwestern University School of Medicine, Arthritis Research Fund, 300 E. Superior St., Lurie Building, 7th Floor, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Info: 847-234-0022.
Andrew Healan
New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable
Retro-A-GoGo
What’s This Puffy Rain?
SNOLA
Election Day 2008
Here is my live blog of election day 2008.
11:47 AM I am awaken by my maid. I lay on the couch and watch TV while she cleans my apartment. An excellent job as always by Anna.
12:35 PM I am hungry and walk to Burger King. The homeless lady out front of the restaurant still hasn’t chosen a candidate. There is a group of roofers inline in front of me. I decide to eavesdrop and see what they have to say about the election. Turns out that is not the topic of conversation. But man, do those guys hate their boss.
1:32 PM I get a call asking if I can work on a movie. I am already booked that day. There goes my big break.
1:59 PM I decide it’s time to head to the polls.
2:00 PM I see a guy wearing an Obama shirt. I want to stop him and ask him “What’s this? You’re wearing the shirt of the guy you’re going to vote for to the polls? Don’t be that guy.”
2:01 PM I arrive at my polling station.
2:04 PM I hit the button and make my votes official to the city of New Orleans, the state of Louisiana and the United States of America.
2:06 PM I arrive home.
2:08 PM While I am grateful that my voting experience was so efficient, I am a little disappointed. I was hoping for some better stories.
2:30 PM Contemplate all this extra time I had allotted today for voting. Decide it’s laundry time.
4:40 PM Back from the laundrymat. Time to put clothes away.
5:24 PM Make some nachos (man this blog is getting boring).
5:31 PM Feel unfullfilled. Decide to make more nachos.
6:01 PM Polls in Virginia have been closed for one minute, and with 0% reporting, MSNBC declares the state to close to call. I groan, roll my eyes and change the channel to Fox news.
6:18 PM I’ve got a great idea for next year. I am going to print up stickers like the I voted ones. They will use the same design, color scheme and font. But will say I Farted.
6:48 PM FNC has five people on screen, CNN has six. Therefore I switch to CNN. This is hilarious, they’ve got five people, all with laptops, on a table meant to hold three people with no electronic equipment. They look very cramped and uncomfortable.
6:54 PM I just remembered something from earlier. I REALLY enjoyed getting to vote against Cynthia McKinney today. I had always despised here, and thanks to the imbeciles in the Green Party I got to express my displeasure.
6:56 PM The clock ticks closer to the polls closing in Louisiana. I will now make two bold predictions. (1) Senator McCain will win this state. (2) Gene Amondson will finish dead last. I just don’t see the Prohibition Party gaining much traction down here.
7:01 PM I have switched over to the Spanish station’s election coverage. They use the same music as NBC. So far here is what I have learned. Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Massachusetts Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Barack Obama Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word.
7:05 PM Someone on FNC just referred to Tennessee as a border state. Oh my gosh, that means the Mexicans have taken over Mississippi.
7:09 PM Damn that Election Mix looks cool. I so wish I had DirecTV right now.
7:51 PM Just took a walk around the neighborhood. The weather is quite lovely. Some guy drove past me thumping On Bended Knee by Boyz II Men. The dullards at Avenue Pub were watching some movie channel of course. There was no line at the International School. Looks like Pennsylvania went Obama while I was out. That just goes to show what I’ve been saying since the primaries, the Amish don’t like McCain.
7:56 PM Did people really go to 30 Rock to watch the election results?
8:00 PM Polls are closed in Louisiana, and 14 other states.
8:18 PM Watching MSNBC is a struggle for me. It battles my love for Ann Curry versus my hatred for Chris Matthews.
8:24 PM McCain was able to book Bocephus. I got significant money on a John Rich appearance.
8:26 PM MSNBC just gave Ohio to Obama, Let’s check FNC. They agree. Looking bad for the white guy. Well, Senator McCain did just get Louisiana.
8:33 PM CNN really drug their feet on calling Ohio. CNN’s Senate seat chart looks like my apartments climate control system.
8:35 PM I think the live shots from Grant Park gives us our best opportunity for somebody to do something really stupid on camera.
8:37 PM It’s Miller time.
8:50 PM Holy crap. I just heard Karl Rove say “President Obama.” That was surreal.
8:58 PM Well crap. Mary Landrieu is winning and Helena Moreno is losing. This looks bad for the homefront.
8:59 PM Oh my goodness. The PBS coverage is so entertaining. They just had a guy walk through the shot. In the studio.
9:10 PM Every newsroom is still scared crapless by 2000. They are all scared to call the Presidential race.
9:21 PM Moreno is closing in on Dollar Bill. Speaking of women, the FNC crew is sucking Governor Palin’s dick right now.
9:23 PM Damn it Chris Shays just lost. Screw you Connecticut.
9:29 PM Shame on you Georgia’s 12th District. You sent John Barrow back to Washington. Tisk, tisk.
9:35 PM Al Franken is winning. I totally forgot about that. Come one Minnesota, first Jesse Ventura, and now maybe this. You guys may overtake Louisiana for most entertaining politicians.
9:41 PM Stewart and Colbert are so great together. They should do this more often.
9:52 PM What’s happening CC? They still call it the White House, but that’s a temporary condition too
9:53 PM Gainin on ya, all up around your neck
9:54 PM You don’t need the bullet when you got the ballot. Are you up for the down stroke, CC?
9:57 PM Reverend Ike, Secretary of the Treasure
9:58 PM Richard Pryor, Minister of Education
9:59 PM Stevie Wonder, Secretary of Fine Arts
10:00 PM and Miss Aretha Franklin, First Lady
10:01 PM Yeah, get deep, real deep
10:08 PM OK, all this celebration stuff is nice, but… Still got some major issues on the table. The Jefferson Parrish votes are finally starting to trickle in and Helena Moreno is gaining ground. And now that the California polls are closed, time to start keeping up with prop 8.
10:13 PM Keith Olberman make the first Jackie Robinson reference of the night.
10:14 PM Oh geez. Jesse Jackson is in Grant Park. You do not get any credit for this. None. Zero.
10:16 PM Looks like 30 Rockefeller Plaza is about to host the new version of Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego?
10:25 PM Tough break comedians. All those Palin jokes are now useless.
10:28 PM Kudos Senator McCain. That was an amazing concession speech. Classy, appreciative and even inspiring. Tough to do after a loss like that.
10:33 PM Oprah in the house. All of the big Chicago celebrities are showing up. I can’t wait to see Michael Jordan and R. Kelly.
10:42 PM Barrow County’s 3rd District, oh how you disapoint me.
10:54 PM Those people celebrating outside of the White House are dicks. I’m laughing, but they are still dicks.
10:56 PM Blerg! Landrieu and Jefferson win. All eyes turn to California now. Got some major ballot initiatives up for grabs.
10:57 PM Here comes the President-elect. He better hit it out of the park.
10:59 PM If I was walking around with a four foot penis swinging between my legs I could not look as confident as Obama does right now.
11:00 PM He listed off a bunch of different kinds of Americans. But who did he leave out? Why the Eskimos of course. I knew he was anti-arctic.
11:05 PM Plouffe and Axelrod are going to get monster book deals.
11:17 PM Guy is a dynamic speaker. And I have to agree with the FNC folks, that campaign sure knows how to put on a big event.
11:31 PM I just realized how much I miss Tim Russert.
11:45 PM Harold Ford just said something to the effect of, after tonight, no child will not believe their parents when they tell them they can do anything. Well, what about girls?
11:59 PM Pretty eventful day. If you are happy or sad about the election of our chief executive, just remember, this country is still fucked up. And no matter who might have been sworn in come January, the man would still be taking over a financial crisis and a large scale military conflict. There’s a ton of work to be done, it won’t be fun and it won’t be easy. I’m going to step away from the blog and hope for the best on CA Prop 8. Tomorrow, well, despite the dramatic declarations of many, will pretty much be just like yesterday for most of us. But not all. Good luck Barry.
New Orleans Menu
And people ask me why I live here
Tampa Bay Winning Prompts Changes
Fresh off a win in the American League Division Series, The Tampa Bay [retracted] Rays find themselves at the center of the baseball universe. The team’s meteoric rise to the top of the Major League’s toughest division has teams throughout the sport playing catch up.
“You just don’t see that in this day and age, a team going from worst to first,” said Neal Huntington, general manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates. “I mean maybe in the NFL, where you’ve got things like a salary cap, but not in baseball. Not in this day and age.”
“To me it reeks of parity. Parity! Parity? In Major League Baseball? In the American League East? That’s just crazy talk,” said Andy MacPhail, president of baseball operations for the Baltimore Orioles. He then went on to elaborate that he saw some potential humor in this season’s final standings. “Now parody, I could go for some of that. Like if The Onion had written a story about the D-Rays winning the AL East, I’d’ve gotten one helluva chuckle out of that. Probably would’ve sent it out as an e-mail to some of my other friends around the division.” When informed that The Onion specialized in satire and not parody, MacPhail angrily retorted “Well fine then Mr. Uppity Newspaper Dude, how about if Mad TV did a sketch on it? Would that suit you? ” As the unidentified, but petrified reporter retreated from the press room, MacPhail chased the reporter down the hall yelling “I can’t wait til the god damn internet puts your sorry ass out of business.”
Th success of the Rays has confused executives throughout the AL. Oakland A’s vice-president and general manager Billy Beane is perplexed as to how the Rays can build on this season’s winning ways. “Sure they have a base of veterans and young players, but they don’t have a hot pitcher to trade away for pennies on the dollar,” he said. “I don’t think Andy Sonnastine garnered enough attention despite his high win total and David Price didn’t even get called up until September…” At that point Beane was cut off when a deranged looking Al Davis wandered into the room and fired him. Beane just shrugged, “he does that two or three times a week, it’s actually kind of funny.”
“I sort of enjoy sharing a home with him,” Beane continued. “That old coot cracks us up around here.” During the September 14 game against the Texas Rangers, Davis wandered out onto the field of the Coliseum and yelled at A’s players to “get off his lawn.” Even those outside of the A’s and Raiders have been affected by Davis’s insane tirades. “That first Monday night game of the season against Denver was pretty harrowing,” said Ignacio De La Fuente, chair of the Oakland Alameda County Coliseum Authority. “First he saw Mike Shanahan and insisted on firing him. We told him that Shanahan coached the Broncos now, but that didn’t sway him. He then ordered one of his assistants to get Pat Bowlen on the phone so he could fire him for hiring Shanahan, Then the broadcast team walked by and he saw Ron Jaworski and thought it was Super Bowl XV and insisted that we sent out an intern to get him some red beans and rice from Pat O’Brien’s.”
New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman was enjoying a rather peaceful October. “Look at it, isn’t it beautiful,” Cashman beamed as he stood up from a park bench and pointed up and down Wall Street. “I come here every day, it’s quite relaxing.” Cashman explained that he usually has to take a vacation at the end of a season when the Yankees fail to capture a world championship. “One year I went to Afghanistan, another I traveled to a leper colony in Bangladesh. With the way things were shaping up this season, I had already booked a trip to Darfur. Then the market collapsed and I didn’t even have to leave the city.” Cashman then leaned back and rubbed his belly, the smile never leaving his face. “I mean I thought wasting $207 million was bad, but did you see what these guys did? I did steal some ideas from these guys though. I’m going to call Senator Clinton and see if she can get us a government bailout for the $40 million we gave Carl Pavano. He was definitely a sub prime pitcher.”
Some have attributed the winning ways of Tampa Bay to the name change. After last season, the Devil Rays shortened their name to the Rays. This trend has caught on like Wildfire (the Michael Martin Murphy song which reached number one on the charts in 1975 not Tommy Rich who reigned as NWA World Heavyweight Champion for four days in 1981). Jumping on board first was Toronto. “We are through with the Blue,” said the Toronto baseball club’s president Paul V. Godfrey. “From here on out we are just the Jays.” Quick to capitalize on that was Baltimore CEO Peter Angelos. After observing that the division already had a Rays and a Jays, he dropped the Orioles and rechristened his team the Baltimore Johnsons. “Get it?” Angelos excitedly asked. “The Rays, the Jays and the Johnsons. Like Ray Jay Johnson. Man that guy used to crack me up on the Redd Foxx Show. You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, and then he would just go on and on. You guys remember that right? Surely someone outside of the Simpsons writers room remembers that.”
The Yankees jumped on this opportunity to go back to their original nickname the Orioles. “That’s right, new stadium, new mascot,” said Hank Steinbrenner, head of the Bronx Party Chancellery. Later Steinbrenner changed his mind and decided to go in a different historical direction and changed the mascot again, this time to the Highlanders. Shortly after this decision was announced, Mayor Michael Bloomberg informed Steinbrenner that the change in the name of the stadium would cost taxpayer’s another $175 million. Steinbrenner then decided to make a different nod at history and changed the team’s name to the Yankees, which was the former name of the Highlanders four hours ago.
The Boston Red Sox got in on the act and dropped the Red. They will now just be known as the Sox. “Let’s face it,” said Boston principal owner John Henry “Most of our fan base never realized “socks” was misspelled. We just thought dropping the extra three letters would make it easier for Murph and Sully to make signs to bring to the games.”
Just moments after the press conference in Boston, one was held in Chicago where it was announced the White Sox were dropping the White, giving MLB two teams with the same nickname. “Shouldn’t be that big of a deal,” said commissioner Bud Selig. “It’s never been a problem for the CFL.”
In what some view as a rather tasteless move, The Cleveland Indians changed their name to the Steamers. When reached for comment team president Paul Dolan said “Have you ever been on urbandictionary.com? You need to check it out, then you’ll get it. Do you know how many t-shirts and caps we are going to sell to 14-22-year-old men? Big time revenue baby.”
The Detroit Tigers changed their name to the Detroit Magnums. “Look, Jack Morris was nice and all, but really the best thing to happen to this franchise since Al Kaline was Magnum P.I.,” said Detroit owner Michael Ilitch. He also added that the team will now wear Hawaiian shirts. The franchise looked around the Motor City to get some other championship caliber ideas. In addition to the flowered uniforms, next season, all players will wear a clear, protective mask. They also plan to sign more Russians and six foot tall women.
In Kansas City, the Royals surprised many by retaining their nickname. However, one slight change was made. “From here on out we are the Los Angeles Royals of Kansas City,” exclaimed CEO David Glass. “See our problem for decades has been that we are a small market team, well consider that problem solved. We now play in the second largest media market in the country. Also, we’ve now got the best bar-b-q in LA.”
With all of this action and excitement, Major League Baseball expects a big postseason. “The League Championship Series both start this weekend,” Selig said. “We think a lot of fans will be glancing at those scores as they scroll by on the ticker during football games.”
This Gang Frightens Me
Boo!
What I Did For My First (And I Hope Last) Evacuation Of The 2008 Atlantic Hurricane Season
During my years away, there were so many things I missed about New Orleans. One that I didn’t miss was the anxiety and uncertainty that comes with hurricane season. Thus far, 2008 had been no problem for those of us along the Gulf Coast, that all changed last week (I won’t even get into next week).
This story started like pretty much every tropical storm story starts, off Cape Verde. But let’s skip ahead to the parts that have to do with me. As the storm approached, there was a much different vibe in the city than I had ever experienced before. Gone was the dismissive attitude of New Orleanians. There wasn’t a confidence that the storm would turn or that this one could be ridden out like so many others over the decades. When I was out Wednesday, no one was making plans. And any that were made were made on contingency. Always something along the lines of “If we’re still here next week…” There was a palpable concern that the storm could wipe out the city, but not so much a fear. It was as if everyone had sort of comes to grips with the fact that the localized apocalypse was coming, and well, it might as well be this weekend.
I watched the storm, tracked it, projected and then tried to find out the most important piece of information available — where is Jim Cantore going? It’s like this, if you see Jim Cantore checking into your local Hampton Inn, get the hell out of town. I have also decided that Jim Cantore is the baddest man on the planet, must always be called by first and last name, even on second reference, and could kick Chuck Norris’s ass. Yeah I said it.
The call had been made. I was staying in town to ride out the storm. I had my supplies ready, my location picked, everything was in place. The process was put in motion on Thursday and final preparations were made on Friday. And then, it all changed. Sometime between when I got off work Saturday morning and when I woke up from my nap, Gustav blew up. The winds were now 150+ MPH and New Orleans was in the dead center of the cone of uncertainty (I still use that term, just sounds so much better than cone of error to me). And the news kept rolling in. LSU had moved up kickoff. That’s right, LSU football had been altered. This storm was starting to be a big deal. Then I found out the Sax 5th Avenue at Canal Place was closing. At that point I accepted the full impact that was Hurricane Gustav. The calls started coming in fast and furious encouraging, even begging, me to evacuate. Oddly, many of these calls came from ex-girlfriends. I would like to think this is because I am such an amazing guy they still cared about my well being. The more likely scenario is they called because of the way they know me, they realized I am a stubborn dumbass and would try to ride the storm out.
I must say, a big pat on the back to the City of New Orleans, the state of Louisiana, and all of the Parishes for cooperating and making one helluva an evacuation. The differences between this event and the days leading up to hurricane Katrina were night and day. From the government assisted evacuations, to the use of public transportation, to the contra flow, to the tiered evacuation, everything was run damn near to perfection.
Now it was into scramble mode. If I had a car this would all be so simple. I was able to secure a ride and commenced to packing. Against my nature I over-packed. The reasons were pretty simple. Firstly, Gustav may very well destroy my home. Secondly, Hanna. Thirdly, Ike. Fourthly, Josephine. Even if we dodged the bullet with Gustav, this could have been an extended evacuation because of the potential nonstop pounding of the coast over the next few weeks. When I grabbed my bags, I just walked out the door. There was no emotional last looks at my home, just an acceptance that it may not be there in a few days and I may have to start my life all over again.
I was happy to have a ride and some good company, even if we didn’t have air conditioning. We left my house, hopped on highway 90 and were rolling. Then we merged onto I-10 and the rolling stopped. And stayed that way. To get from the West Bank Expressway to Elysian Fields (approximately 25 blocks) took nearly 90 minutes. It was several hours before we made our way across the Twin Span to the other side of Lake Pontchartrain. During that time we got to see some of New Orleans best and brightest up close and personal. My favorite was an old man, and I mean old, in a brown Toyota. We figured this guy was a veteran. A veteran of Vietnam, Korea, World War II and possibly the War of 1812. This conclusion was reached not just because of his apparent age, but also the plastic American flag on his radio antenna. While driving he had a bottle of pills in his left hand which he was pouring into his mouth, in his right hand he had a bottle of Ensure. Hell Yeah! That’s America! What we saw way too much of were entire families in vehicles that were not designed to carry entire families (mostly pickups). Just let’s you know how much of a pain evacuating is and why some people are so hesitant to do it. Along the way, we scared a lot of black people with our belting out of Toto’s Africa and All Time Low’s cover of Umbrella. But we didn’t scare folks nearly as much as Mayor C. Ray Nagin. We watched his Saturday evening press conference while stuck on I-10 and were in awe. It was nothing but sound bites, and the scariest freaking sound bites I had ever heard. Some have knocked him for using so much hyperbole, I saw bravo to you Mayor Nagin. The populace needed to have the bejesus scared out of them and you did. The next day, there were less than 10,000 people in the Crescent City.
The trip was marred by the addition of a most unpleasant female in Pearl River (thanks Danny). Her incessant whining, utter stupidity and constant need to go to the bathroom was an even bigger damper on the trip than the ipod malfunction. It did however lead to the best line of the entire trip from Kevin. “Pussy is like Guinness, it doesn’t travel well.” So, 16 hours later, we arrived in Atlanta. Yup, 16 hours to make a less than 500 mile trip. YOWSERS!
That night I was reminded of all the reasons I am not a big fan of Atlanta. Beginning with when we went out to dinner at 11:20 and were told we could only be served alcohol for 20 more minutes. We decided to treat that not as an obstacle, but a challenge. We told the waiter to bring us his largest draft and a bottle. When he did we placed out food orders and told him to come back when the order was placed. At that time we ordered another round and told him to check back at his nearest convenience. The best was when he brought a round, went to check on the table next to us, and as he walked back passed out table we held up our empties and ordered another round. Then we had to drive like 40 minutes to another city that served past midnight. This bar, and several others I went to, reminded me that Atlanta is like the world’s largest lame college party. There’s booze, a crappy cover band, people getting way to excited about both. Oh yeah, and the constant bumping into. God damn I wanted to kick a few dozen asses.
The next day we watched Gustav move a little west and spare New Orleans the brunt of the storm. There were some scary moment when stations started reporting that levees on the industrial canal were being topped. Turns out it was just “sloshing.” Also, DircTV aired WDSU (the New Orleans NBC affiliate) nation wide during the evacuation. Which was nice. Sadly, they did not introduce the Wheel Of Crime to the rest of the nation. The local feed wasn’t even needed to see familiar faces. While out at dinner in Atlanta, I saw five people I knew on TV in less than one minute. Glad to see I knew so many hardheads.
It was nice to see the family, friends and familiar places. It was nice to pick up some UGA paraphernalia. It was nice to eat at Waffle House. But damn I was ready to get home. I arrived and was pleased to find there was no damage to my house, I had electricity, water and cable. Also, many businesses in my neighborhood has already reopened. I had a grocery store, a drug store, a laundromat, and numerous bars and restaurants. The next day I let several folks know by text message “Popeyes is open. It’s OK to come home.”
People are still starting to trickle back in. Pretty much all businesses are reopened. Things are basically back to normal. Except that damn curfew.
Now, about Ike…
Keep It Stupid Simple
Now what do I push?
You Take It On Faith, You Take It To The Heart
Tom Petty was wrong, the waiting is not the hardest part. The hardest part is not even the actual weather event, it’s the aftermath. The waiting does suck though.
I woke up today and turned on the news and immediately my heart sank. I knew that I was going to be hearing a ton of crappy recycled hurricane jokes.
Thanks to all my friends from all around the country that called to ask if I was watching the weather. I am sure you meant well, but it was kind of like saying “I think you are a dumbass that does not pay attention to the news.”
Sure I watched the news, and I was aware of the big winds blowing hard… and that’s just the Democratic National Convention. ZING!
So right now I am polishing off the last of my stock of Abita seasonal. Mmmmm Strawberry Harvest Lager.
The apocalypse may indeed be upon me again. I have come to realize that evacuation planning is much more difficult when you do not own a car. By the way, do you own a car? Want to give me a ride to another city? Preferably one that is much more northernly and westwardly.
I am pretty well stocked up on water and perishable goods. Kind of lacking in the ammunition department. Somebody start that charity. Don’t set up a tent in the grocery store parking lot collecting bottled water to send to the Gulf South. Set up that tent and collect ammunition.
Hey Weather Channel, how about some different music for Local On The 8s when the local may be wiped off the map in a few days. Contemporary jazz just doesn’t seem to cut it when one or more of the Four Horsemen may be trotting into town.
I am gonna keep calling people out. People that try to act like baddasses because they stayed through Katrina. If you did, odds are you are not a badass but actually a dumbass. The way things played out, and your own liberal dose of revisionist history have made you look like a universal soldier. You are not. Also, screw you guy on the other end of the spectrum. The pussy that is already swaddling his family in bubblewrap and getting ready to head out of town when we are still days away from knowing where the storm may go.
I really wish I would have paid better attention during that one meteorology class I took in college. Even tough I only took half a quarter (an eighth?) of that class, I guess I am still more qualified to look at the weather than most people. Did you ever own a book about meteorology? Even if it was never opened.
How big of a deal is this? College football season starts tomorrow and it is not the most prominent thing on my mind.
As I type this The Weather Channel is airing the episode of It Could Happen Tomorrow on New Orleans. Are you fracking kidding me? Yes it COULD happen tomorrow. Or at least in the next week.
Oh yeah, Gustav has two more on its tail. Good times indeed.