Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

Election Day 2008 | Andrew Healan

Election Day 2008

November 4th, 2008

Here is my live blog of election day 2008.
11:47 AM I am awaken by my maid. I lay on the couch and watch TV while she cleans my apartment. An excellent job as always by Anna.
12:35 PM I am hungry and walk to Burger King. The homeless lady out front of the restaurant still hasn’t chosen a candidate. There is a group of roofers inline in front of me. I decide to eavesdrop and see what they have to say about the election. Turns out that is not the topic of conversation. But man, do those guys hate their boss.
1:32 PM I get a call asking if I can work on a movie. I am already booked that day. There goes my big break.
1:59 PM I decide it’s time to head to the polls.
2:00 PM I see a guy wearing an Obama shirt. I want to stop him and ask him “What’s this? You’re wearing the shirt of the guy you’re going to vote for to the polls? Don’t be that guy.”
2:01 PM I arrive at my polling station.
2:04 PM I hit the button and make my votes official to the city of New Orleans, the state of Louisiana and the United States of America.
2:06 PM I arrive home.
2:08 PM While I am grateful that my voting experience was so efficient, I am a little disappointed. I was hoping for some better stories.
2:30 PM Contemplate all this extra time I had allotted today for voting. Decide it’s laundry time.
4:40 PM Back from the laundrymat. Time to put clothes away.
5:24 PM Make some nachos (man this blog is getting boring).
5:31 PM Feel unfullfilled. Decide to make more nachos.
6:01 PM Polls in Virginia have been closed for one minute, and with 0% reporting, MSNBC declares the state to close to call. I groan, roll my eyes and change the channel to Fox news.
6:18 PM I’ve got a great idea for next year. I am going to print up stickers like the I voted ones. They will use the same design, color scheme and font. But will say I Farted.
6:48 PM FNC has five people on screen, CNN has six. Therefore I switch to CNN. This is hilarious, they’ve got five people, all with laptops, on a table meant to hold three people with no electronic equipment. They look very cramped and uncomfortable.
6:54 PM I just remembered something from earlier. I REALLY enjoyed getting to vote against Cynthia McKinney today. I had always despised here, and thanks to the imbeciles in the Green Party I got to express my displeasure.
6:56 PM The clock ticks closer to the polls closing in Louisiana. I will now make two bold predictions. (1) Senator McCain will win this state. (2) Gene Amondson will finish dead last. I just don’t see the Prohibition Party gaining much traction down here.
7:01 PM I have switched over to the Spanish station’s election coverage. They use the same music as NBC. So far here is what I have learned. Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Massachusetts Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Barack Obama Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word.
7:05 PM Someone on FNC just referred to Tennessee as a border state. Oh my gosh, that means the Mexicans have taken over Mississippi.
7:09 PM Damn that Election Mix looks cool. I so wish I had DirecTV right now.
7:51 PM Just took a walk around the neighborhood. The weather is quite lovely. Some guy drove past me thumping On Bended Knee by Boyz II Men. The dullards at Avenue Pub were watching some movie channel of course. There was no line at the International School. Looks like Pennsylvania went Obama while I was out. That just goes to show what I’ve been saying since the primaries, the Amish don’t like McCain.
7:56 PM Did people really go to 30 Rock to watch the election results?
8:00 PM Polls are closed in Louisiana, and 14 other states.
8:18 PM Watching MSNBC is a struggle for me. It battles my love for Ann Curry versus my hatred for Chris Matthews.
8:24 PM McCain was able to book Bocephus. I got significant money on a John Rich appearance.
8:26 PM MSNBC just gave Ohio to Obama, Let’s check FNC. They agree. Looking bad for the white guy. Well, Senator McCain did just get Louisiana.
8:33 PM CNN really drug their feet on calling Ohio. CNN’s Senate seat chart looks like my apartments climate control system.
8:35 PM I think the live shots from Grant Park gives us our best opportunity for somebody to do something really stupid on camera.
8:37 PM It’s Miller time.
8:50 PM Holy crap. I just heard Karl Rove say “President Obama.” That was surreal.
8:58 PM Well crap. Mary Landrieu is winning and Helena Moreno is losing. This looks bad for the homefront.
8:59 PM Oh my goodness. The PBS coverage is so entertaining. They just had a guy walk through the shot. In the studio.
9:10 PM Every newsroom is still scared crapless by 2000. They are all scared to call the Presidential race.
9:21 PM Moreno is closing in on Dollar Bill. Speaking of women, the FNC crew is sucking Governor Palin’s dick right now.
9:23 PM Damn it Chris Shays just lost. Screw you Connecticut.
9:29 PM Shame on you Georgia’s 12th District. You sent John Barrow back to Washington. Tisk, tisk.
9:35 PM Al Franken is winning. I totally forgot about that. Come one Minnesota, first Jesse Ventura, and now maybe this. You guys may overtake Louisiana for most entertaining politicians.
9:41 PM Stewart and Colbert are so great together. They should do this more often.
9:52 PM What’s happening CC? They still call it the White House, but that’s a temporary condition too
9:53 PM Gainin on ya, all up around your neck
9:54 PM You don’t need the bullet when you got the ballot. Are you up for the down stroke, CC?
9:57 PM Reverend Ike, Secretary of the Treasure
9:58 PM Richard Pryor, Minister of Education
9:59 PM Stevie Wonder, Secretary of Fine Arts
10:00 PM and Miss Aretha Franklin, First Lady
10:01 PM Yeah, get deep, real deep
10:08 PM OK, all this celebration stuff is nice, but… Still got some major issues on the table. The Jefferson Parrish votes are finally starting to trickle in and Helena Moreno is gaining ground. And now that the California polls are closed, time to start keeping up with prop 8.
10:13 PM Keith Olberman make the first Jackie Robinson reference of the night.
10:14 PM Oh geez. Jesse Jackson is in Grant Park. You do not get any credit for this. None. Zero.
10:16 PM Looks like 30 Rockefeller Plaza is about to host the new version of Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego?
10:25 PM Tough break comedians. All those Palin jokes are now useless.
10:28 PM Kudos Senator McCain. That was an amazing concession speech. Classy, appreciative and even inspiring. Tough to do after a loss like that.
10:33 PM Oprah in the house. All of the big Chicago celebrities are showing up. I can’t wait to see Michael Jordan and R. Kelly.
10:42 PM Barrow County’s 3rd District, oh how you disapoint me.
10:54 PM Those people celebrating outside of the White House are dicks. I’m laughing, but they are still dicks.
10:56 PM Blerg! Landrieu and Jefferson win. All eyes turn to California now. Got some major ballot initiatives up for grabs.
10:57 PM Here comes the President-elect. He better hit it out of the park.
10:59 PM If I was walking around with a four foot penis swinging between my legs I could not look as confident as Obama does right now.
11:00 PM He listed off a bunch of different kinds of Americans. But who did he leave out? Why the Eskimos of course. I knew he was anti-arctic.
11:05 PM Plouffe and Axelrod are going to get monster book deals.
11:17 PM Guy is a dynamic speaker. And I have to agree with the FNC folks, that campaign sure knows how to put on a big event.
11:31 PM I just realized how much I miss Tim Russert.
11:45 PM Harold Ford just said something to the effect of, after tonight, no child will not believe their parents when they tell them they can do anything. Well, what about girls?
11:59 PM Pretty eventful day. If you are happy or sad about the election of our chief executive, just remember, this country is still fucked up. And no matter who might have been sworn in come January, the man would still be taking over a financial crisis and a large scale military conflict. There’s a ton of work to be done, it won’t be fun and it won’t be easy. I’m going to step away from the blog and hope for the best on CA Prop 8. Tomorrow, well, despite the dramatic declarations of many, will pretty much be just like yesterday for most of us. But not all. Good luck Barry.

Comments

comments

Powered by Facebook Comments

Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable