Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

You Take It On Faith, You Take It To The Heart | Andrew Healan

You Take It On Faith, You Take It To The Heart

August 28th, 2008

Tom Petty was wrong, the waiting is not the hardest part. The hardest part is not even the actual weather event, it’s the aftermath. The waiting does suck though.
I woke up today and turned on the news and immediately my heart sank. I knew that I was going to be hearing a ton of crappy recycled hurricane jokes.
Thanks to all my friends from all around the country that called to ask if I was watching the weather. I am sure you meant well, but it was kind of like saying “I think you are a dumbass that does not pay attention to the news.”
Sure I watched the news, and I was aware of the big winds blowing hard… and that’s just the Democratic National Convention. ZING!
So right now I am polishing off the last of my stock of Abita seasonal. Mmmmm Strawberry Harvest Lager.
The apocalypse may indeed be upon me again. I have come to realize that evacuation planning is much more difficult when you do not own a car. By the way, do you own a car? Want to give me a ride to another city? Preferably one that is much more northernly and westwardly.
I am pretty well stocked up on water and perishable goods. Kind of lacking in the ammunition department. Somebody start that charity. Don’t set up a tent in the grocery store parking lot collecting bottled water to send to the Gulf South. Set up that tent and collect ammunition.
Hey Weather Channel, how about some different music for Local On The 8s when the local may be wiped off the map in a few days. Contemporary jazz just doesn’t seem to cut it when one or more of the Four Horsemen may be trotting into town.
I am gonna keep calling people out. People that try to act like baddasses because they stayed through Katrina. If you did, odds are you are not a badass but actually a dumbass. The way things played out, and your own liberal dose of revisionist history have made you look like a universal soldier. You are not. Also, screw you guy on the other end of the spectrum. The pussy that is already swaddling his family in bubblewrap and getting ready to head out of town when we are still days away from knowing where the storm may go.
I really wish I would have paid better attention during that one meteorology class I took in college. Even tough I only took half a quarter (an eighth?) of that class, I guess I am still more qualified to look at the weather than most people. Did you ever own a book about meteorology? Even if it was never opened.
How big of a deal is this? College football season starts tomorrow and it is not the most prominent thing on my mind.
As I type this The Weather Channel is airing the episode of It Could Happen Tomorrow on New Orleans. Are you fracking kidding me? Yes it COULD happen tomorrow. Or at least in the next week.
Oh yeah, Gustav has two more on its tail. Good times indeed.

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Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable