Before “Training Day” was released, I don’t recall ever seeing a black guy drive a Monte Carlo. But now this is a several times a day occurance. Movies are a powerful force indeed.
Andrew Healan
New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable
Dusted
Sad morning for television. There was the death of Fred Rogers, which hits on all on some level. Then I find out this will be the Final season of “Buffy The Vampire Slayer.” Even though this show has been on for seven years, I only became a viewer last season (super-natural non-sense and vampires aren’t usually my cup of tea). But thanks to re-runs and DVDs, I’ve been able to catch up on the strange happenings in Sunnydale. This is without a doubt one of the best written shows on television. How it has been overlooked for numerous Emmys is beyond me. I kinda knew this was coming (what with Gellar’s contract being up) and they seem to be taking the story arc to an ultimate finality. On the plus side, we get Faith back for a few episodes. And a returning Angel might be sorta cool as well. So godspeed denziens of Sunnydale. And I’m sure Joss Wheadon won’t dissapoint with a memorable finish.
You Put 62 Gallons In An Ounce
OK, a free drink to anyone that gets the reference in the headline to this post. While I’m giving out prizes, a handsome gratuity to the first delivery person who can find my apartment without calling for additional directions. Why can people get all gung ho for “Gods And Generals” (btw, Jeff Daniels was born in Athens) and not realize the badness that comes from people within a country fighting over control of land. Just thought that maybe should be a consideration in U.S. foreign policy (turning one stable country into three fucked up ones?). If you’re gonna do it, do it right! Physique contouring gel is my new favorite hair gel. Good hold, no crunchiness. Bless stores going out of business. I got a Marky Mark CD (from Wherehouse Music) for $1.80, and you can just walk into the K-Mart on Broad St and buy a basket full of siringes without even the remotest hint of a question. Can’t wait to go to the Macy’s in ATL this weekend. I have realized that the people at yahoo think i need a mortgage deal, a penis enlargement and impressionest paintings, but the offer for a breast enlargement seemed to be a bit too far out of my demographic. What has two thumbs and needs some sleep? THIS GUY!
Funky Ways To Say Those Three Little Words
For Valentine’s Day, a few ways to tell that special someone just how you feel, from the Prince files (listed chronologically):
*Every day that U keep it away, it only makes me want it more
*What more do I have 2 say?
I really wanna play in your river
*Hey lover, I’ve got a sugarcane
That I wanna lose in U, baby can U stand the pain?
*And U’re just as wet as the evening rain
*Play with my love, ooh
Bring out what’s been in me 4 far 2 long
*U’re my little lover, orgasmatron
*If U really really wanna be a star
We gotta do it in your mama’s car
*I got a lion in my pocket and, baby, he’s ready 2 roar
*I guess I must be dumb cuz U had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used
*A body like yours oughta be in jail
Cuz it’s on the verge of bein’ obscene
*Girl, U got an ass like I never seen, ow!
And the ride…
I say the ride is so smooth, U must be a limousine
*Girl, U gotta take me 4 a little ride up and down
In and out around your lake
*Excuse me but I need a mouth like yours
*I sincerely wanna fuck the taste outta your mouth
*Girl, it ain’t no use
U might as well get loose
Work your body like a whore
*It’s so strange, I’m more comfortable around U when I’m naked
*U don’t have 2 be beautiful 2 turn me on
I just need your body, baby, from dusk till dawn
*I’m feelin’ kind of lucky 2night, I’m gonna find my 4-leaf clover
*When 2 are in love
The speed of their hips can be faster than a runaway train
*Ain’t nuthin but a muffin
We got a lotta butter 2 go
*U got the horn so why don’t U blow it
*Now move your big ass ’round this way
So I can work on that zipper, baby
*I got wet dreams comin’ out of my ears
I get hard if the wind blows your cologne near me
*The sexy motherfucker’s so fine, I’ll drink her bath water
*A long-legged 5’8″ packin’ an ass as tight as a grape
*I bet if U throw that ass in the air, it would turn into sunshine
*Ass piled high and deep, U see
I can’t help it like a honey 2 a bee
If the booty boom she gonna go with me
*And we were naked and did not care
There’s a time 2 take and a time 2 share
*If I was anything else I’d be the water in your bath, darling
*I promise myself not 2 come until she does
Then she took both hands and a liar I was
No man in this world could ever hope 2 last
When my baby downshifts and starts pumpin’ fast
*If we cannot make babies
Maybe we can make some time
*Fuck so pretty, U and me
*We could fuck until the dawn
Makin’ love ’til cherry’s gone
*U’re a sinner, I don’t care
I just want your creamy thighs
*She can make U shoot your ego all over her sheets
*When I call U up, I wanna tell U what 2 wear
Don’t be surprised if I tell U 2 go bare
*It don’t mean U’re wrecked just cuz me tallywhacker suckin’ is all U want
*U are the reason there’s bass in my boom
*I never been one 4 this thing obsession
But just keep your eye on my hips
The circles they make will be my confession
Just say the word and I’ll strip
*Pheromone make a nigga go crazy
*A whiz at math and all that shit
But I’m, I’m a tad more interested in flyin’ your kite 2night
*Your furry melting thing awaits me
*My nickname’s Hellzapoppin
Looking Back On Columbia
It took me a few days to get to this because I didn’t feel like I had anything original or thought provoking to say. However, it dawned on me this morning why this event had such a different feel than many national tradgedies — it happened on a Saturday. That may seem odd, but when thinking back (no actual research was done) I could recall very few national tragedies occuring during the weekend. The Columbia disaster didn’t have many of the standard cliches of a horiffic event — people finding out at work and huddling into the confernce room to watch television, then leaving their jobs to rush over to the school to pull their children out of class and tell them. And because of all of this, people had to deal with the Columbia explosion in a more personal way, at their homes, with their families. It’s a smaller support group, fewer people to grieve with, share emotion, thoughts and fears with. And for those of us that live alone, just sitting their like a zombie flipping from news channel to news channel, network to network, soaking it all in. Feeling the emotions, but also feeling kinda awkward about calling someone at 10 AM on Saturday to talk about it. And the news coverage, there was another effect of a major weekend story. On Saturday morning, most station don’t have their ace reporters and anchors in the studio. When the story was breaking, you could definately tell the JV squad was doing the coverage as they rushed their all-stars to the studios and locations. Here’s hoping you and your have come to grips with this event in your own personal way.
Raise Your Hand If You’re A Sinner
After decades of trying, the Republicans finally gain control of the Georgia Governor’s Mansion. And it seems that all of their fiscal panaceas aren’t gonna quite pan out. So being in need of money they decided to quadruple the tobacco tax. Now it seems to me that if the state is gonna rely on sin taxes to balance the budget, they should go all out. Be gone blue laws. Let Peach Staters buy beer on Sundays. Bring on the games. How about a casino on Tybee Island? A horse track at the Agricenter in Perry? Who’s up for allowing legalized prostitution in Muscogee County? Anyone against letting coffee shops in Dalton to sell hash? Gives us sin taxes (we’ve already have our sinners repesenting us under the Gold Dome), but if sin taxes are the way to go, then the government should give it’s citizens more options to sin.
Words of Wisdom
For those of you who have never been priveledged to hear this information, I will now grace you with everything I have learned about women during my time on Biosphere I: (1) they are soft (2) they smell good (3) they like Grease. That’s It. Pushing three decades and those are the only things I have learned.
Our Nation’s Interest Are Out Of Whack
OK, terrorism is a bad thing. But I had an internal running joke while I was out tonight: which will be higher — the number of beers I drink or the number of drug deal I see go down? It was close, but beers took the crown. And I assure you that is more a testament to my alcohol tollerance than the law enforcement of ACC.
Damn I miss him
I have spent the past few days listening to Grace, The Grace EPs, Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk and Songs To No One and I just gotta say that the world was deprived of a long and distinguished career by Jeff Buckley. But I implore the record companies to keep milking every single thing he ever recorded. I’ll keep buying them.
And then there was ten
So the Raw Tenth anniversary is coming up in a few minutes, thought I’d pass along my votes. Superstar of the Decade: Steve Austin, Diva of the Decade: Sunny, and Greatest Raw Moment: Chris Jericho’s debut. But hey, it won’t really be a party unless Scott Hall comes stumbling in drunk. And the homo-erotic overtones in the HHH/Scott Steiner fued are just frightening.