Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

The Gayest Country In Asia | Andrew Healan

The Gayest Country In Asia

December 11th, 2007

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia — Thanks Todd Barry for making it impossible to say the name of this country without then thinking the title of this blog.
Here’s everything you need to do in Malaysia. Take a trip to the bridge of Petronas Towers. That’s it. Skip the rest of the country. The towers are actually quite beautiful at night when illuminated. And still pretty attractive even during the day light hours. Also this is a rather popular attraction. We showed up before noon and got tickets for a 5:45 PM tour. It’s pretty amazing how much and how far you can see, and that’s only half way up. Got to make some friends in the Malaysian oil industry so I can get a peek from the top.
When you head out shopping and your list consist of index cards, magic marker, a-shirt, socks and toothpaste, you really miss Target.
Memo to all broadcasters: don’t report from a bus stop. A bus will pull up and then pull away. While this is happening, nothing you say will be heard.
The crosswalks in many cities make a noise when it is time to cross. This little tune moves at a frantic rate, which then causes you to move your ass. It’s like driving with chase music being played. It works well and should be spread to other areas of life. Off the top of my head I’m saying airport security.
The biggest problem I’ve had with people driving on the left side is when I cross the streets. I have decades of safety instructions and instincts to violate. I look left, then right, then left again. Unfortunately this is bassackwards and most likely will lead to my untimely demise and a crappy obituary.
This part of the world has way too much golf coverage for December.
A British woman asked me if all Americans love Die Hard. I told her “fuck yeah!” Then I blew some shit up and hit her in the head with a 2×4. USA! USA! USA!
Thailand has a nice flag. It’s basic but effective. It has a good color scheme. Also, no words or pictures. Words and pictures will always screw up a flag. That’s why, of course, my favorite flag is Libya. BAM! That’s right folks, AndrewHealan.com your online headquarters for Libyan flag jokes since 2002.
I went into a bookstore that only sold books printed in Thai. After wandering around for a few minutes, I wondered if this is what it’s like to be illiterate. I could stare at those words for hours and not make hide nor hair out of them. I couldn’t even tell you if the words were backwards or upside down. It was both frustrating and humbling.

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Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable