The Philadelphia Phillies attempt to honor the oldest matchup of left handed pitchers in Major League history had to be abruptly canceled. The Arizona Diamondbacks’ 43-year-old Randy Johnson faced off against the Phillies 44-year-old Jamie Moyer. While Johnson and the Diamondbacks won the game, many Phillies fans left with a special prize and others left disapointed. In the right field concourse of Citizens Bank Park is the always popular attraction that allows fans to have the speed of their own pitch measured by a radar gun. As a special promotion for last night’s game, any fan that threw a ball faster than Moyer was awarded a Phillies jersey. Team officials halted this in the top of the second inning after jerseys were won by an entire T-Ball team, a quadrapalegic and Jesse Orosco.
Andrew Healan
New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable
After Attempting To Burn Down The Mall (Of America)
I ran into the messiah at the golden arches
Mark Your Calendar
This day should be marked as possibly the greatest in music history. 41 years ago, music, dare I say the world, was changed forever. On May 16, 1966 Pet Sounds AND Blonde On Blonde were both released. On the same fraking day. This should become a national holiday, or at least move the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame inductions to this day. How did Bob Dylan and Brian Wilson give the world two of the five greatest albums ever released on the same day? That’s like Citizen Kane and Rocky coming out on the same day. Or Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky being born on the same day. My mind is sufficiently blown.
So, Have You Guys Been To The Movies Lately?
An 80’s comedy bit just waiting to be written
Last Tango For Paris?
Paris Hilton has been sentenced to 45 days in jail for probation violation. The world is abuzz with celebrations, petitions, analysis of the American legal system and critics of how celebrity obsessed out culture may be. I sat down and put some thought into the matter (one second for every day Hilton was sentanced to jail). After a thorough evaluation, I have decided what I think about Hilton’s pending jail time…
FART!
Yup, that pretty much covers it.
Thoughts Are With You
Keeping them in mind
Local Crime, National Tragedy
My heart and thoughts go all to all of those in the Virginia Tech family. Yesterday’s events were nothing short of horrific. I cannot put it into scope or scale.
I have spent time in Blacksburg. The student population dwarfs the city’s population. It’s a small, sleepy little town. Definately not a place where you would be walking around with your head on a swivel looking for trouble. I look forward to the day when I talk about Virginia Tech, it will be me making fun of them for being hillbilly dorks and not about senseless death.
I followed this story all day through the national media. From the morning when the reported death toll was one, to the evening when it climbed over 30. As the story was still developing, the media was already throwing blame around. Why didn’t the campus public safety do more? Why didn’t they act sooner? While details will trickle out over the coming days and weeks, the media was already throwing these school officials under the bus. I don’t know if this was a desire to place blame. Or maybe they just needed something to talk about while waiting for more details to come in. The cable news networks insist on round the clock coverage with all breaking stories. When no news comes in, they still have to talk about something. Having no news to report, something must still be talked about to fill the air time. After the requisit gun control stories, the local law enforcement was villfied.
There’s no way to shut down or evacuate a major college campus in short order. I’ve heard crazy ideas thrown around. From having to pass through gates to enter campus, to metal detectors, to biometrics to gain access to buildings. None of these would’ve mattered. You can’t police crazy. A young man snapped and decided to kill a bunch of people. This could happen any day, any time, anywhere. This kid was a student. He had access to these buildings. None of these outrageous proposals would’ve stopped him. And, even if he hadn’t been able to enter a campus building, he would’ve went to a grocery store, a shopping mall, or another public place. A massive amount of people were going to die, and no level of security was going to stop that.
On the plus side, every college will evaluate it’s emergency notification and evacuation procedures. But I fear the backlash, the overcompensation. College is a great time (I should know, I spent nine years experiencing it). Having to go through airport like security clearance everyday will not enhance anyone’s college experience. And it won’t prevent a psycho from acting psychotic.
40 Days Of Discounts
Bojangles helping Catholics into heaven
It’s Another Episode Of Dateline To Catch A… HOLY CRAP, I Know That Guy
Different people have different reasons for watching To Catch A Predator. Some like to see bad guys get their comupense, some like to see the guys squirm, and some want to see if a familiar face pops up. This happened to me the other night. TCAP was on in the background while I typed away on the computer. I looked up and said “Holy crap, I know that guy!” Not only did I know a guy on this bit of TV justice, but Chris Hanson introduced his segment as something the folks at Dateline had never experienced before.
I”m sure we all expect this to happen at some point. Everyone has a friend, a guy from work or a neighbor that they look at suspiciously. You’re just waiting for that guy to get busted for some pervy act. The guy I knew, was definately a bit on the creepy side, but I wouldn’t have classified him as a predator. A freak sure, but persuing underage girls, a slight surprise.
I don’t have any thoughts on the TCAP phenom that haven’t already been expressed by many others. But, I do have a leg up in that I can now say I know a Dateline predator.
Take That Ethiopia
Major League Eating championships, Savannah