Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

Job Opening

December 16th, 2002

With Al Gore officialy out of the picture, the Democrats now get the task of weeding through their crop of un-qualified candidates. I won’t even begin to speculate on how anyone would match of with Bush, WAY too many events can, and will, happen in the next two years to alter the public opinion of him. Let’s look at the list:

Tom Daschle (Sen, SD) — Well he should carry South Dakota, so that’s good for 3 electoral votes. Will largely depend on how he takes being castrated by Senate Republicans the next two years.

Dick Gephardt (Rep, MO) — Some would say he looks too much like Opie to be President. But hey, our current Commander In Chief could have easily been a cast member of Petticoat Junction. Maybe he’ll get lucky and NASCAR fans will think they see the name Earnhardt on the ballot (it is the nation’s #1 spectator sport you know).

John Kerry (Sen, MA) — The Kennedy comparisons will make or break him. Could get behind him more if he sounded more like Diamond Joe Quimby, just not enough of an accent.

John Edwards (Sen, NC) — Maybe when he bows out after Iowa his wife will put together a nice scrap book for him. Then he can spend the next six months debating Allan Keyes on talk shows.

Howard Dean (Gov, VT) — Who is this guy? Well the man that’s done more work to get the nomination than anyone else so far. I think he’ll end up with it because everyone else will pass or get scandalized out. Say it with me DEAN IS KEAN! DEAN IS KEAN!

Or the Dems could get really ballsy and ride that Jimmy Carter publicity wave. Don’t laugh, Mondale is back after all



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Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable