Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

I Have Met My Asian Mistress And Her Name Is Beer Lao | Andrew Healan

I Have Met My Asian Mistress And Her Name Is Beer Lao

December 9th, 2007

Bangkok, Thailand — I grew tired of Laos. Decided to get out of the country. A couple of tuk-tuks, boats and trains later, I find myself spending a few hours in Bangkok before I head to Singapore. I am so upside down and backwards right now. I’m pretty sure about the Bangkok thing, it may or may not be Sunday night. On with the ramblings.
The train ride up to Chiang Mai was scenic and diverse. The first stretch you go through neighborhoods and markets that are built right up to, and sometimes over, the train tracks. This gives way to suburbs, then plains, followed by jungles and finishing up with mountains. People that talk about airline food have obviously never had train food. Kobayashi couldn’t keep that stuff down. The train arrived two hours ahead of schedule. This threw me off since I had yet to complete my research on the city. I did know it was located west of the train station, so I walked in that direction.
Taxicabs don’t seem to exist in Chiang Mai. Sangthaew is the preferred of public transportation. It’s basically a pick-up, with a camper and two benches built in. There easy to hop in and out of and I think would be a big hit in college towns. There is also no shortage of tuk-tuks here. Those are the three wheeled cycle with the covered back seat. They are loud, smelly and obnoxious… and that’s just the drivers {rim shot}! Thank you, I’ll be all week. Tip your waitresses. Don’t forget, the 9:00 show is completely different from the 6:30 show.
I am apparently staying in the bookstore capital of SE Asia. There are more than I can count within a stone’s throw of my guest house. And they are massive, spilling across streets and alleyways and into other blocks. I also found out guidebooks are more expensive here than in the States. Apparently I have started staying the States. I see all of the bootlegged CDs and DVDs, but have yet to run across that bootleg book market. Which I hear exist in Cambodia.
Another travel tip. Always bring a backpack, or day pack to the complimentary breakfast (I guess a purse would also work). Those fruits and pastries make a nice mid morning snack. Or lunch if you get real greedy.
Several of the hotels and guest houses I have stayed in have a neat energy saving device. There’s a special slot you slip your room keychain in that activates the room’s electricity. Then when you pull it out to lock your door and leave, the power disappears. It’s sort of like a dyslexic Excalibur.
Pink is a very popular color in Thailand. From what I’ve gathered, the king wore a pink shirt on TV and it caught on from there. He’s like their Ryan Seacrest.
The weather in Chiang Mai is damn near perfect. During most of the day, it’s warm, but not hot, nare a trace of humidity with a cool breeze blowing in from the river. At night and in the morning, it’s just cool ebough that I think I should bring a jacket because I might need it later, but I never do.
Thank you Thailand for reminding me that butter improves the taste of pretty much everything.
Everyone pull out your charts. On the vertical, go to Thai. On the horizontal, go to Lucky. In case you didn’t know, the name of this chart is Lesser Known Britney Spears Songs I Have Heard Performed In Other Languages. Now I begin my quest to track down that copy of Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman sung in Swahili.

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Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable