Fargo, ND — Out on the road again. So far I’ve gone from Los Angeles to Fargo. Had to get a little further away from North Korea. And I though Employee Of The Month would be the biggest bomb of October.
Apparently people in Las Vegas just read the headlines and are Parrotheads. Yes, Jimmy got busted with a bag full of ecstasy in France, but he wasn’t jailed. So, people of Las Vegas, you can take down all of those “FREE BUFFET” signs. Also, if your casino can afford one of those gigantic 100 foot screens, I would think there would be something better in that casino to advertise on the motion billboard other than the Burger King value menu. Even the Luxor has Carrot Top. And speaking of entertainers, Penn & Teller adopted a portion of I-15. Being magicians, do they just hocus pocus the liter away?
When entering Utah, make sure the gas tank is full and the bladder is empty. There is a stretch of I-70 that has no services for 108 miles. After those services, it’s about 90 more miles to Grand Junction, Colorado before drivers have another chance to purchase anything adjacent to the interstate.
Vail is a cultural mecca. That’s a city with an abundance of character and soul. By character and soul I mean jewelry stores and pricey restaurants. The police in Vail will never be accused of racial profiling. I’ve seen more black people at a tanning salon than I saw in the city. And the entertainment leaves a bit to be desired. The local paper had an article inviting people to come check out the town’s new firetruck. I hope they have the hoses hooked up to handle crowd control.
Driving completely across Kansas in a single day is a marathon of monotony. I’d spot some lights ahead and think “cool, coming up on a city.” 45 minutes later, I would reach that city. There were at least three city’s that pronounced themselves as being the home of an astronaut. That makes perfect sense to me. Growing up in Kansas would give someone an intense desire to get as far away as humanly possible. The flat land did offer one huge benefit. I was able to get a wide variety of college football games on the radio. SEC, Big 12, PAC-10, Big 10, MWC, WAC, CUSA and D I-AA all flew through the airwaves and into my car. For several games I was able to get at least two different feeds (one for each team). This was fun to flip between agony and ecstasy. And speaking of college football, what the fuck Georgia? Loosing to Vanderbilt? Apparently I missed that announcement in the alumni newsletter declaring this year’s homecoming theme as “A Return To The Ray Goff Era.”
Kansas City is doing some upgrades to it’s freeways. And signs are posted to remind folks to operate their vehicles cautiously in these areas. And to drive that point home, the state of Missouri has posted signs letting you know that if you hit a construction worker with your car, you’ll be hit with a $10,000 fine. Just in case that vehicular homicide charge wasn’t enough of a deterrent.
Getting gas in Iowa always scares me. I spend several minutes carefully reading every single word on the pump to make sure I don’t fill my tank with ethanol and ruin my engine. There should be large letters, and pictures. Maybe a little talking corn stalk.
I have developed yet another ear infection. This time though, I know the reason. It’s from hearing people in this part of the country referring to Coke as “pop.”
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