Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

The BCS Makes More Sense To Me Than Thai Script

December 2nd, 2007

Ayutthaya, Thailand — While in Bangkok, I went through a series of events that landed me in the hospital. First off, the sidewalks there left much to be desired. Many were cracked and uneven. Often they were ridiculously thin and at times, just disappeared. During a rather harrowing stretch, I messed my ankle up. No big deal. Except for the fact that my new strut caused me to do some damage to a tendon in my foot. As a result of having an even newer strut, I now had some raging blisters on my feet (we will now pause and allow everyone to make their Andrew got raging blisters in Bangkok joke). After a couple of days, I basically couldn’t even walk when I got out of bed. I decided medical care was needed. After a bit of research, I picked what looked like the best hospital in the city. And wow! It may have been the best healthcare experience of my life. The hospital was large, clean and modern. Upon arriving, I had to wait a grand total of about 20 seconds before seeing a nurse who took my information and decided what clinic I should be sent to. Four minutes after arriving, I was sitting in the orthopedic clinic. A nurse came up and apologized to me about the wait. Seems there was only one doctor working that day and a whopping six patients ahead of me. LA County this is not. The nurses here wore traditional nurse uniforms. Like the ones all the girls wear for Halloween but without the plunging neckline and hoochie hem line. Even the little hats. Also, they didn’t wear nurse shoes. They were dressy shoes, most with a heel (there’s probably a much more accurate way to describe them, but I’m not much of a women’s shoe aficionado) . And, I’m sure Asian nurse is another of those wacky double fetishes. If you could find an Asian nursing student, look out pervs. The doctor spoke near perfect English. He looked at my foot, and the pulled out a safety pin. At this point I did get a little nervous. I mean everything about this hospital screamed “we practice modern western medicine.” He took the sharp end of the pin and ran it around me foot. He would ask me how it felt compared to different areas. Once done, he made an appointment for a follow-up visit and wrote me my prescription. I was then sent back to the lobby. Here I went to a desk and was given a piece of paper with a number on it. I then sat in one of several rows of chairs and waited for my number to pop up on a screen and be called out (it was sort of like waiting on your schedule to pop out using the old OPSTAR system at UGA). I then when to pay. So, a visit to a first class hospital, lightning quick service and my medicine all totaled out to about 1550 Bhat. That’s less than $50 US. At this point, I decided to return to Bangkok everytime I get so much as a sniffle.
I attended the Thai boxing at Lumpini Stadium. It kinda sucked. Apparently, I went on the wrong night and didn’t get the good matches. All of the fighters were young, so there was not a dazzling array of skills. If I’m not going to see a clinic, I’d rather have some unmitigated violence. However. all of the fighters were also small, so they didn’t have enough power to do any significant damage. The matches were hard to predetermine. All of the fighters were Thai. With no prior knowledge of the combatant, how am I supposed to pick a winner when everyone is from the same country and is of the same race? This violates every non Marcus of Queensbury rule I know about boxing. The crowd knew what was happening in the ring though, because they were actively and aggressively betting on every bout. I ask you, what sport isn’t improved by on-site wagering? Who would watch horses run around an oval without a few bucks on the line? I’ll go so far as to say not just sports, but all activities could be improved by on-site betting. Wedding receptions in particular. How long will the couple last? Who will cry first? Which uncle will get the drunkest? Which bride’s maid will sleep with which groomsman?
Lumpinin Park is probably my favorite place in Bangkok. It’s very accessible to exercise. The road encircling the park has markers to show how far you have run between points. They have bars to stretch out on. There are large groups of people doing aerobics. They even have outdoor gyms. Cardio equipment and free weights right in the middle of the park. There’s also paddleboats. I guess that’s better than sitting on your ass.
I saw a black guy. I hadn’t seen a black man since I left Hartsfield. It was pretty exciting. However, he seemed pretty unfazed by the event.
Waking up at 6:00 AM to check football scores blows. Yes, I found something worse than those 9:00 kickoffs when living on the west coast.
The exit signs on public transportation are depicted by a man running. Behind him is a man in a wheelchair. I’m sure this is supposed to convey that the exit is handicap accessible. But I interpret it as in the event of a fire, leave the cripples to burn.

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Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable