Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

Taking It To Your Man

September 5th, 2003

Last week was a roller coaster. Kicked off Thursday with a big win from Northern Illinois, but saw many of those earned fortunes float away Monday night when TCU didn’t TCB. But like a quarterback that threw an interception, I’m gonna have a short memory and just get back in the game and sling it.
DISCLAIMER: andrewhealan.com not responsible for financial and emotional trauma suffered by readers.
TOP PLAY
N.C. State (-7 1/2) over Wake Forest
Phillip Rivers + T.A. McLendon + Jerricho Crotchery + Chuck Amato = a bad day for the Demon Deacons (which makes about as much sense as having the Straight Priests as a mascot). Filtered butts won’t be the only thing smoking in Winston-Salem Saturday as the Pack scorch the score board.
OTHERS TO CONSIDER
Michigan (-27 1/2) over Houston
There is no truth to the rumors that the Yankees will make John Navarre a September call up. The Wolverines will struggle against strong defenses this season, but that won’t be an issue tomorrow. Art Briles will turn things around in Houston, but not this year. Look for Navarre to step full force into the Heisman race along with teammate Chris Perry. Also, Braylon Edwards will try to prove he is worthy of wearing the #1 jersey. And to Houston, a big FUCK YOU for running an offence that allowed Andre Ware to win a Heisman, become a known commodity, and get an analyst job.
Syracuse (-2) over North Carolina
The Orangemen aren’t ready to re-enter the upper echelon of the Big East version 1.0, but they will get back over the .500 hump this year. And yeah, there probobly is a little bitterness knowing that the Tar Heels played a big role in keeping them out of the new and improved ACC (also no truth to the rumors that John Swofford is looking to add teams from Nova Scotia, Brazil and Britain to the ACC). UNC was winless at home last year, and that ain’t looking to change any time soon. When you circle Georgia Tech and Duke as swing games on your schedule, that means your waiting for basketball season (women’s basketball season).
Colorado (-3) over UCLA
It’s the other two schools that wish they had never heard of Skippy Neuweasal (remember all those INTs in a rainy Sanford Stadium?). The Buffs can still run, and run they will. With the NFL continuing to avoid La-La Land, at least the Bruins can still be the second best team in town.
West Virginia (-9 1/2) over ECU
The Moutin’Deers can’t let me down two weeks in a row. They’ve got an offense and it will come alive. Although they ain’t gonna run over the Pirates like my boy Gino Guidugli did.
Oklahoma State (-20) over Wyoming
Les Miles could be ready to push John Smith aside as the best coach in Stillwater. After a crushing loss in Licoln, look for the Pokes to take it out on an abismal Wyoming team. Get used to hearing this phrase “Josh Fields drops back, he’s got Rashaun Woods, Touchdwon!”
Minnesota (-24 1/2) over Troy State
The Trojans will be about as effective at killing Gophers as Carl Spackler. Glen Mason continues his march through the lower 10% of Division I-A.
UConn (-16) over Army
The Huskies continue one of the nation’s longest winning streaks. Army continues to well… be Army. UConn has another week to love the life of a winner before the Big East and ACC teams come on the schedule.
Marshall (+19) over Tennessee
Vols win. Marshal covers. Fulmer eats.
UPSET OF THE WEEK
Florida (+ 14 1/2) over Miami, FL
This one will be a classic. Not sure if Zook’s Zealots can pull this one out, but they can damn sure hang around.
THE HOME FRONT
UGA 48 MTSU 7
This one gets ugly early. The stars shine, the nation takes notice, the Dogs cruise. Easy cover.
Another week down in the moneyest makingest month of the year. Invest wisely.

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Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable