Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

Grand Theft Me

August 21st, 2007

Meridian, MS – Tuscaloosa, AL — Why the odd dateline? Because I am writing my first ever blog from a train. Choo-choo and whoo-hoo! I was afforded this unique opportunity because some upstanding citizen decided to liberate me of the burden of vehicle ownership. That’s right, I’m just another crime statistic. When my car wasn’t where I left it, I did some backtracking to make sure I left my car where I was standing. I mean, it’s entirely possible I left it on another street and just forgot. After eliminating that possibility, I began making calling towing services. Finding myself in the odd position of hoping that my car had been towed. For some reason, it wasn’t until the 14th call that someone informed me that only the city could tow off of the streets. Calling the impound lot gave me no leads. Then, I called the police. The dispatcher assured an officer would be out to the location shortly. This was at 11:15 AM. Fast forward to 9:00 PM, and still no police presence. At that point I called a cab to take me to the impound lot so I could do an on site search for my car (in case the plates had been removed or changed). All hope was now extinguished. I’m trying to play the part of Mr. Brightside. When conducting a mental inventory of the items still in my car, I remembered that sitting in my back seat were a packet of resumes and a box of business cards. Maybe I’ll get a great job out of all of this. I’m sure the thieves would be impressed with my solid experience and leadership abilities. Or maybe they would look at all of the maps scattered about the car and notice I am a prolific traveler. Who knows? Any day now my phone could ring and I’m taking off overseas to start my exciting new career as a heroin mule.

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Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable