Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

Funky Ways To Say Those Three Little Words

February 14th, 2003

For Valentine’s Day, a few ways to tell that special someone just how you feel, from the Prince files (listed chronologically):

*Every day that U keep it away, it only makes me want it more

*What more do I have 2 say?
I really wanna play in your river

*Hey lover, I’ve got a sugarcane
That I wanna lose in U, baby can U stand the pain?

*And U’re just as wet as the evening rain

*Play with my love, ooh
Bring out what’s been in me 4 far 2 long

*U’re my little lover, orgasmatron

*If U really really wanna be a star
We gotta do it in your mama’s car

*I got a lion in my pocket and, baby, he’s ready 2 roar

*I guess I must be dumb cuz U had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used

*A body like yours oughta be in jail
Cuz it’s on the verge of bein’ obscene

*Girl, U got an ass like I never seen, ow!
And the ride…
I say the ride is so smooth, U must be a limousine

*Girl, U gotta take me 4 a little ride up and down
In and out around your lake

*Excuse me but I need a mouth like yours

*I sincerely wanna fuck the taste outta your mouth

*Girl, it ain’t no use
U might as well get loose
Work your body like a whore

*It’s so strange, I’m more comfortable around U when I’m naked

*U don’t have 2 be beautiful 2 turn me on
I just need your body, baby, from dusk till dawn

*I’m feelin’ kind of lucky 2night, I’m gonna find my 4-leaf clover

*When 2 are in love
The speed of their hips can be faster than a runaway train

*Ain’t nuthin but a muffin
We got a lotta butter 2 go

*U got the horn so why don’t U blow it

*Now move your big ass ’round this way
So I can work on that zipper, baby

*I got wet dreams comin’ out of my ears
I get hard if the wind blows your cologne near me

*The sexy motherfucker’s so fine, I’ll drink her bath water

*A long-legged 5’8″ packin’ an ass as tight as a grape

*I bet if U throw that ass in the air, it would turn into sunshine

*Ass piled high and deep, U see
I can’t help it like a honey 2 a bee
If the booty boom she gonna go with me

*And we were naked and did not care
There’s a time 2 take and a time 2 share

*If I was anything else I’d be the water in your bath, darling

*I promise myself not 2 come until she does
Then she took both hands and a liar I was
No man in this world could ever hope 2 last
When my baby downshifts and starts pumpin’ fast

*If we cannot make babies
Maybe we can make some time

*Fuck so pretty, U and me

*We could fuck until the dawn
Makin’ love ’til cherry’s gone

*U’re a sinner, I don’t care
I just want your creamy thighs

*She can make U shoot your ego all over her sheets

*When I call U up, I wanna tell U what 2 wear
Don’t be surprised if I tell U 2 go bare

*It don’t mean U’re wrecked just cuz me tallywhacker suckin’ is all U want

*U are the reason there’s bass in my boom

*I never been one 4 this thing obsession
But just keep your eye on my hips
The circles they make will be my confession
Just say the word and I’ll strip

*Pheromone make a nigga go crazy

*A whiz at math and all that shit
But I’m, I’m a tad more interested in flyin’ your kite 2night

*Your furry melting thing awaits me

*My nickname’s Hellzapoppin



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Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable