Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

A State That’s Untouchable Like Elliot Ness

January 22nd, 2006

Needles, CA — Did the Grand Canyon today and I’ll just say WOW! I definately plan to go back and spend much more time. The abundance of natural beauty turns everyone into Ansel Adams. It’s almost impossible to take a bad picture there.
Arizona has no shortage of signs warning you about animals in the area. However, it’s difficult to make out which animal you are supposed to be looking out for. I would stare at these signs with an outline of a large mammal and think “Is that an elk? Maybe it’s a moose? Do they have caribu down here?” I mean how am I supposed to be on alert for moose if I’m busy looking for elk. While I was leaving the Grand Canyon traffic came to a halt. I thought maybe there was some type of exotic animal present. After reaching the cause of the delay I saw a bunch of people staring at and taking pictures of two freaking deer. God damn city folk. It’s a deer for crying out loud. I’ve seen them in the wild, seen them in petting zoos, seen them in my back yard, seen them in the grill of my car, seen them on my living room walls and seen them on my dinner plate. Fortunately traffic started moving again before a squirel showed up.
The price of everything was jacked up. Food, gas, hotel, you name it. Also, the town shuts down at like 8:00 PM and there was only one radio station. Kind of made me feel like I was back in New Orleans. But not so much since I was about 7,000 feet above sea level without a trace of humidity. My skin is drier than than a Pentacostal wedding reception and my poor lips took a beating.
There was still snow on the ground. It reminded me that we need more global warming. Because higher temperatures means less snow, and less snow means fewer snow boarders. Snow boarders are just skate punks who listen to crappier music and smoke a lot more pot.
Tonight I rest my head at a Motel 6. I parked next to a Mercedes. So you know what that means, somebody is having a low rent rendevue.
Tomorrow Los Angeles and San Diego.
MILES DRIVEN: 3351
STATES VISITED: 11

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Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable