After many misserable first dates, I decided to come up with a simple 20 question quiz to screen potenial ladies in my life.
1. Are you heterosexual?
2. Do you have a boyfriend, fiancee and/or husband?
3. Do you have any STDs?
4. Are you currently suffering through, or recovering from, a chemical dependency?
5. Are you financially independent?
6. Does your vocational obligation involve heels and a pole?
7. Who is your favorite Beatle?
8. Do you smoke Newports?
9. Do you regularly attend raves?
10. How many Widespread Panic concerts have you been to? (A) 0 (B) 1 (C) more than one?
11. What is your favorite John Cusak movie?
12. Would you classify yourself as a Parrothead?
13. Are you prone to drinking White Zin?
14. Do you own a dog weighing less than 10 pounds, or more than one cat?
15. Spit? Swallow? N/A?
16. Do you own one or more of the following movies (A) Thelma & Louise (B) Steel Magnolias (C) Beaches?
17. Who is the greater musical genius — Bob Dylan or Eminem?
18. Who won the most recent Super Bowl?
19. Did you like the ending of “City of Angels”?
20. Does a semi-casual night out require in excess of two hours of prep time?
Scored on a sliding scale of hottness (I’m only a man).

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