Las Vegas, NV — I just had what was quite possibly the most boring day anyone from out of town has ever had in Sin City. Most of my day was spent haggling with my hotel and trying to get my FEMA code to go through (apparently the computers were down). This meant I was stuck at this fine lodging facility. Once all of that was cleared up, I took care of some important business. I did some laundry, stopped by Kinko’s and did a little shopping at Walgreen’s. All things I’m sure I could have done just as effectively in Branson, MO.
My time in California was quite enjoyable. I must say that for a state so large (both in square milage and population) it was stunning to see the lack of Civil War monuments. I suppose people out here don’t care much about history.
I made my California stage debut last week. There are so many amazing and talented comedians out there and I had the good fortune to work with several of them at a couple of different shows. Weber’s in Receda has a quality room (or had, the place was sold, and the show I did there was their last). It was hosted by Tim Mars who was gracious enough to squeeze me into his lineup. Some would look at that show and say I bombed, they would be right. Of course I enjoy being arrogant and saying “the crowd wasn’t sophisticated enough for my material.” It’s nice to see years of being away from politics hasn’t hampered my ability to churn out some Grade-A bullshit. The next night I was able to get stage time at The Greek Palace in San Diego. Thanks to Sean Kelly for finding a slot for me. It was a strong room. The crowd was attentive and involved. Also the largest crowd I’ve performed in front of in quite some time (200+). I opened the show. This was an interesting situation seeing as how I was unfamiliar with the room and the city period. I had no idea how they would respond or what went over. Turns out they liked me. Also thanks to Mark Serritera, who bartends at the venue and also performs. He took great care of me as both a comic and a drunk. And a huge debt of gratitude is owed to Rosie Tran for pointing me in the right direction on these shows.
And since I’m throwing out gratitude all over the place, thanks to Matt, Tom and Cassy for giving me a comfey couch (and to Charlie and Dakota for all the wake-up calls, nothing to break you from a slumber like having your feet licked). And another big thank you to Beckie for giving me my first good haircut in over six months (at an amazing bargain). I knew that one day my knack for being nice to young, attractive, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, big-breasted women would pay off.
I watched the Royal Rumble at the Hooter’s in Pacific Beach. For those of you that missed the PPV, it sucked the sweat of a dead man’s balls. Any card that features Mark Henry in the main event is surely doomed (even Kurt Angle couldn’t make that work). I had expected a much bigger pop for Rey Mysterio Jr winning the Rumble since I was watching it in the 619.
Another State of the Union, and our country is still fucked. Before the speech a woman was arrested. I dare not even speak her name, thus giving her more of what she craves — attention. This so stopped being about her son a long time ago. You are not a great leader, you are a media whore. I supported you at one time, I no longer do. Please go lead a private life. As has been noted, President Bush made what could generously be described as a passing mention of the Gulf Coast. Why? Well, would you like to publicly recall quite possibly the biggest fuck up of your career? Hey federal government, New Orleans hears your silence, it is deafening and speaks volumes. The President recently said in order to facilitate federal funding, Louisiana needs a plan. I ask what is the plan for Iraq? Does this impact the military funding? Oh yeah, bring democracy. Got some bad news, just because people vote, doesn’t mean they will vote for the desired candidates (Hamass anyone?). What is the plan for alternative energy? Exxon-Mobile reports record earnings after spending the fall whining about the damages sufferd from the Gulf Coast hurricanes. Are you fucking kidding me? The President was right, our nation is addicted to oil. What’s the rehab plan here? The Iowa Cauceses are 24 months away so nobody has to pretend like ethynol is a good idea. The only solution that has a chance is some type of alternative fuel source. Americans (myslef included) love cars, love driving and love living in heated homes. I don’t have an answer, but science was never my strong point. After decades of bitching about this nation’s dependancy on foreign oil, shouldn’t some smart person somewhere have come up with something? I guess nobody wants to be the next Tucker.
In the same week two different segments of the media gets to overanalyze a significant event. The sports media is busy looking at the Super Bowl from more angles than exists in a techtohedron. And the news media gets to break down the State of the Union. CNN went so far as to have a guy with a telestrater. This wonder of modern television was used to show us which side of Congress was standing or sitting after certain comments in the speech. I was still somewhat confused until the journailst (?) started using red and blue to distinguish between the Democrats and Republicans. Like it matters. Democrat or Republican, all three branches are fucked. The federal government works like the human digestive system, it doesn’t matter what you put in, it all comes out the same.
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