Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable

Raise Your Hand If You’re A Sinner

January 28th, 2003

After decades of trying, the Republicans finally gain control of the Georgia Governor’s Mansion. And it seems that all of their fiscal panaceas aren’t gonna quite pan out. So being in need of money they decided to quadruple the tobacco tax. Now it seems to me that if the state is gonna rely on sin taxes to balance the budget, they should go all out. Be gone blue laws. Let Peach Staters buy beer on Sundays. Bring on the games. How about a casino on Tybee Island? A horse track at the Agricenter in Perry? Who’s up for allowing legalized prostitution in Muscogee County? Anyone against letting coffee shops in Dalton to sell hash? Gives us sin taxes (we’ve already have our sinners repesenting us under the Gold Dome), but if sin taxes are the way to go, then the government should give it’s citizens more options to sin.

Words of Wisdom

January 23rd, 2003

For those of you who have never been priveledged to hear this information, I will now grace you with everything I have learned about women during my time on Biosphere I: (1) they are soft (2) they smell good (3) they like Grease. That’s It. Pushing three decades and those are the only things I have learned.

Our Nation’s Interest Are Out Of Whack

January 17th, 2003

OK, terrorism is a bad thing. But I had an internal running joke while I was out tonight: which will be higher — the number of beers I drink or the number of drug deal I see go down? It was close, but beers took the crown. And I assure you that is more a testament to my alcohol tollerance than the law enforcement of ACC.

Damn I miss him

January 17th, 2003

I have spent the past few days listening to Grace, The Grace EPs, Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk and Songs To No One and I just gotta say that the world was deprived of a long and distinguished career by Jeff Buckley. But I implore the record companies to keep milking every single thing he ever recorded. I’ll keep buying them.

And then there was ten

January 14th, 2003

So the Raw Tenth anniversary is coming up in a few minutes, thought I’d pass along my votes. Superstar of the Decade: Steve Austin, Diva of the Decade: Sunny, and Greatest Raw Moment: Chris Jericho’s debut. But hey, it won’t really be a party unless Scott Hall comes stumbling in drunk. And the homo-erotic overtones in the HHH/Scott Steiner fued are just frightening.

OK, I’ll adress it

January 8th, 2003

Larry Munson is a beloved announcer. I enjoy the passion he brings to the game. However, I have to agree that if he was in my broadcasting class he would not receive a very high grade. The TV on with Munson in the background is the best of both worlds, you get his passion for the game, but have the visual to keep you up to date. But if you watched ABC’s coverage of the Fiesta Bowl, you saw how Jackson and Fouts did a piss-poor job of getting across the pathos of one of the most exciting college football games I’ve ever seen (not to mention some pretty significant stakes). I know that Keith Jackson will let me know what is going on with the game, but Larry Munson will make me feel it. So yeah, the dude from the SAV paper had some good points, but he just wanted to get his name talked about with a poorly timed column. Congrats dude (not mentioning your name), folks are talking (even me).

And they call this a democracy?

January 7th, 2003

For some reason, I still have not been named a baseball Hall of Fame voter, but if I was here is how my ballot would look. Eddie Murray, Jack Morris, Ryan Sandberg, Gary Carter, Rich Gossage, Bert Blyleven, and Bruce Sutter. I would not have used all 10 of my slots this year. And if you don’t agree with me, well then buster, that’s one of the things that makes baseball so great. So why didn’t I pick some people (this is WAY more fun)? Andrew Dawson? Too much could’ve been. Steve Garvey? Would’ve been far too difficult to pick which of his kids introduced him. Keith Hernandez and Danny Tartabull? Seinfeld alone will not get you in the Hall. Vince Coleman? Ceremony would be held up waiting for he and Claudell Washington to return from the VIP men’s room. Tommy John? Having a disease named after you gets you in the Hall, same can’t be said for a surgery. Jim Kaat? Noot enough staats. Dale Murphy? Maybe next year. Tony Pena? ripped off Mr. T’s look. Lee Smith? one day, soon. And, Don Mattingly? This hurts too much to discuss.

Quote Of The Day

January 7th, 2003

Giving this one to my buddy Vern. As we stood there and watched a group of women who were way too old to be in a bar at 1 AM on a Monday shake there hips on the 1’s and 3’s to Missy Elliot, he busted out “That’s what happens when people over 30 hear a beat.”

Andrew Healan

New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable