Andrew Healan and Chad Meyer talk about topics from the past, present and future while answering listener questions.

MTV had a birthday today. But much like a woman, by the time it had turned 30 I had long since stopped paying attention.
Many have lamented that they liked MTV better when they showed videos all day. Is that the reason you don’t watch MTV any more? No, you don’t watch MTV any more because you are old. MTV stopped being for you long before you matured out of the 18 – 34 demographic.
I am not a regular viewer of MTV these days, haven’t been for years. When I yearn for the MTV of old, it is not the wall-to-wall videos that I miss, but the early half of the 90s experimental stage, when the network started moving away from videos and closer to what it is today. It was a time of sketch comedy by The State, game shows by Ken Ober and talk shows by Jon Stewart.
It seemed MTV was destined for a gloriously tragic rock star death. The network took a page from one of the stars it played such a huge role in creating, Madonna, and re-invented itself over-and-over.
Do I miss the MTV of my youth? Sure, what I, and most people miss, is my youth. However, I am typing this on a tablet that weighs ten ounces and can instantly access any video MTV has ever shown.
And by the time MTV is programming for the youngest cast members of 16 And Pregnant, a whole new generation of Americans will be whining about how this is not the MTV of their youth.

my hair fresh out of the shower

Shermer; IL– All government offices will remain closed today as local citizens continue to cope with the loss of their most treasured son. John Hughes Jr. died Thursday of a heart attack while visiting family in New York.
Shermer Mayor Jake Ryan decreed that flags at all city buildings be flown at half staff until further notice.
“It’s the very least we could do to honor Mr. Hughes,” Ryan said. “I encourage all Shermerites to do the same at their businesses and homes.”
Ryan said he was taking the news especially hard. “I’ve known Mr. Hughes since my glory days at Shermer High School. He’s always been there to offer inspiration and guidance.” Mayor Ryan learned about the sudden death of Hughes during a family gathering. “I was out back grilling when Samantha ran out and handed me the phone. Stunned, devastated, those were the immediate reactions.”
“After we had a moment to ourselves, we started spreading the word,” Ryan said. “I called Ted and Caroline immediately, while Sam rang up Ginny, Mike and even made an overseas call to Long Duk. It’s amazing the reach of Mr Hughes’ influence.”
“I’ve told people about him everywhere I’ve gone,” said Del Griffith, Director of Sales for American Light and Fixture, Shower Curtain Ring Division. “After Marie died, I was going to give up the traveling salesman business, then I ran into Mr. Hughes at a diner one morning. We had a couple of slices of pie and he told me it was what I loved and what I was supposed to do. Had it not been for that conversation, I never would have met Neal, and I wouldn’t have a best friend.”
Hughes’ memory will live on in many ways. Lisa Inc co-founder and CFO Gary Wallace said the company planned to endow a John Hughes scholarship. “Me and Wyatt did not even come up with the idea, our wives, Deb and Hilly actually brought us the plan.” It will be a company wide effort Wallace added. “Everyone at Lisa Inc will be contributing. From me and CEO Donnelly, all the way down to our limo driver Ian, our currier Max and even our custodian Chet.”
Many other of Shermer’s wealthiest residence made plans for honoring Hughes as well. “I am thinking a parade,” said Ferris Bueller. “I mean, if I can’t use my lottery winnings to throw a big party in his memory, then what good is the money?”
The funeral for Hughes has people coming to Shermer from all over the globe. “Me and the family are currently in Abu Dhabi,” said local food additives researcher Clark Griswold. “I have a new bar-b-q sauce I have been trying to market in the Middle East. It hasn’t been going well and we have been wanting, and encouraged, to get back to Illinois soon anyway.”
Local law enforcement is prepared for the possible surge of people coming to town to pay their respects to Hughes. “We have a contingency plan in place,” said Shermer Police Chief John Bender. “I spoke with Kevin Mcallister, who as you know runs the top private home security business in the nation, and he has told me he will provide his employees at no cost to help with crowd control.”
The service is expected to take place in the Andrew Clark Gymnasium at Shermer High School, according to Principal Carl Reed. “I’ve already have Dick Vernon and the rest of the maintenance staff setting up the chairs.”
Local artist Allison Reynolds has donated one of her paintings to the Hughes family, and award winning writer Brian Johnson is expected to contribute an essay.
Some residents were obviously more affected than others. “Well, that’s not very nice. I’m sad,” said Phillip F. Dale, owner of Duckie’s, Shermer’s only upscale men’s clothing boutique. “Well here’s… here’s the point. I’m not particularly concerned with whether or not he liked me, because I lived to like him and… and I can’t like him anymore. So… so when I’m feeling real low and… and dirty, and my heart is splattered all over hell, I can’t look to him to pump me back up cause… cause… cause maybe for the first time in my life he won’t be there!”
In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made to the Northwestern University School of Medicine, Arthritis Research Fund, 300 E. Superior St., Lurie Building, 7th Floor, Chicago, Illinois 60611. Info: 847-234-0022.

SNOLA

Here is my live blog of election day 2008.
11:47 AM I am awaken by my maid. I lay on the couch and watch TV while she cleans my apartment. An excellent job as always by Anna.
12:35 PM I am hungry and walk to Burger King. The homeless lady out front of the restaurant still hasn’t chosen a candidate. There is a group of roofers inline in front of me. I decide to eavesdrop and see what they have to say about the election. Turns out that is not the topic of conversation. But man, do those guys hate their boss.
1:32 PM I get a call asking if I can work on a movie. I am already booked that day. There goes my big break.
1:59 PM I decide it’s time to head to the polls.
2:00 PM I see a guy wearing an Obama shirt. I want to stop him and ask him “What’s this? You’re wearing the shirt of the guy you’re going to vote for to the polls? Don’t be that guy.”
2:01 PM I arrive at my polling station.
2:04 PM I hit the button and make my votes official to the city of New Orleans, the state of Louisiana and the United States of America.
2:06 PM I arrive home.
2:08 PM While I am grateful that my voting experience was so efficient, I am a little disappointed. I was hoping for some better stories.
2:30 PM Contemplate all this extra time I had allotted today for voting. Decide it’s laundry time.
4:40 PM Back from the laundrymat. Time to put clothes away.
5:24 PM Make some nachos (man this blog is getting boring).
5:31 PM Feel unfullfilled. Decide to make more nachos.
6:01 PM Polls in Virginia have been closed for one minute, and with 0% reporting, MSNBC declares the state to close to call. I groan, roll my eyes and change the channel to Fox news.
6:18 PM I’ve got a great idea for next year. I am going to print up stickers like the I voted ones. They will use the same design, color scheme and font. But will say I Farted.
6:48 PM FNC has five people on screen, CNN has six. Therefore I switch to CNN. This is hilarious, they’ve got five people, all with laptops, on a table meant to hold three people with no electronic equipment. They look very cramped and uncomfortable.
6:54 PM I just remembered something from earlier. I REALLY enjoyed getting to vote against Cynthia McKinney today. I had always despised here, and thanks to the imbeciles in the Green Party I got to express my displeasure.
6:56 PM The clock ticks closer to the polls closing in Louisiana. I will now make two bold predictions. (1) Senator McCain will win this state. (2) Gene Amondson will finish dead last. I just don’t see the Prohibition Party gaining much traction down here.
7:01 PM I have switched over to the Spanish station’s election coverage. They use the same music as NBC. So far here is what I have learned. Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Massachusetts Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Barack Obama Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word Spanish word.
7:05 PM Someone on FNC just referred to Tennessee as a border state. Oh my gosh, that means the Mexicans have taken over Mississippi.
7:09 PM Damn that Election Mix looks cool. I so wish I had DirecTV right now.
7:51 PM Just took a walk around the neighborhood. The weather is quite lovely. Some guy drove past me thumping On Bended Knee by Boyz II Men. The dullards at Avenue Pub were watching some movie channel of course. There was no line at the International School. Looks like Pennsylvania went Obama while I was out. That just goes to show what I’ve been saying since the primaries, the Amish don’t like McCain.
7:56 PM Did people really go to 30 Rock to watch the election results?
8:00 PM Polls are closed in Louisiana, and 14 other states.
8:18 PM Watching MSNBC is a struggle for me. It battles my love for Ann Curry versus my hatred for Chris Matthews.
8:24 PM McCain was able to book Bocephus. I got significant money on a John Rich appearance.
8:26 PM MSNBC just gave Ohio to Obama, Let’s check FNC. They agree. Looking bad for the white guy. Well, Senator McCain did just get Louisiana.
8:33 PM CNN really drug their feet on calling Ohio. CNN’s Senate seat chart looks like my apartments climate control system.
8:35 PM I think the live shots from Grant Park gives us our best opportunity for somebody to do something really stupid on camera.
8:37 PM It’s Miller time.
8:50 PM Holy crap. I just heard Karl Rove say “President Obama.” That was surreal.
8:58 PM Well crap. Mary Landrieu is winning and Helena Moreno is losing. This looks bad for the homefront.
8:59 PM Oh my goodness. The PBS coverage is so entertaining. They just had a guy walk through the shot. In the studio.
9:10 PM Every newsroom is still scared crapless by 2000. They are all scared to call the Presidential race.
9:21 PM Moreno is closing in on Dollar Bill. Speaking of women, the FNC crew is sucking Governor Palin’s dick right now.
9:23 PM Damn it Chris Shays just lost. Screw you Connecticut.
9:29 PM Shame on you Georgia’s 12th District. You sent John Barrow back to Washington. Tisk, tisk.
9:35 PM Al Franken is winning. I totally forgot about that. Come one Minnesota, first Jesse Ventura, and now maybe this. You guys may overtake Louisiana for most entertaining politicians.
9:41 PM Stewart and Colbert are so great together. They should do this more often.
9:52 PM What’s happening CC? They still call it the White House, but that’s a temporary condition too
9:53 PM Gainin on ya, all up around your neck
9:54 PM You don’t need the bullet when you got the ballot. Are you up for the down stroke, CC?
9:57 PM Reverend Ike, Secretary of the Treasure
9:58 PM Richard Pryor, Minister of Education
9:59 PM Stevie Wonder, Secretary of Fine Arts
10:00 PM and Miss Aretha Franklin, First Lady
10:01 PM Yeah, get deep, real deep
10:08 PM OK, all this celebration stuff is nice, but… Still got some major issues on the table. The Jefferson Parrish votes are finally starting to trickle in and Helena Moreno is gaining ground. And now that the California polls are closed, time to start keeping up with prop 8.
10:13 PM Keith Olberman make the first Jackie Robinson reference of the night.
10:14 PM Oh geez. Jesse Jackson is in Grant Park. You do not get any credit for this. None. Zero.
10:16 PM Looks like 30 Rockefeller Plaza is about to host the new version of Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego?
10:25 PM Tough break comedians. All those Palin jokes are now useless.
10:28 PM Kudos Senator McCain. That was an amazing concession speech. Classy, appreciative and even inspiring. Tough to do after a loss like that.
10:33 PM Oprah in the house. All of the big Chicago celebrities are showing up. I can’t wait to see Michael Jordan and R. Kelly.
10:42 PM Barrow County’s 3rd District, oh how you disapoint me.
10:54 PM Those people celebrating outside of the White House are dicks. I’m laughing, but they are still dicks.
10:56 PM Blerg! Landrieu and Jefferson win. All eyes turn to California now. Got some major ballot initiatives up for grabs.
10:57 PM Here comes the President-elect. He better hit it out of the park.
10:59 PM If I was walking around with a four foot penis swinging between my legs I could not look as confident as Obama does right now.
11:00 PM He listed off a bunch of different kinds of Americans. But who did he leave out? Why the Eskimos of course. I knew he was anti-arctic.
11:05 PM Plouffe and Axelrod are going to get monster book deals.
11:17 PM Guy is a dynamic speaker. And I have to agree with the FNC folks, that campaign sure knows how to put on a big event.
11:31 PM I just realized how much I miss Tim Russert.
11:45 PM Harold Ford just said something to the effect of, after tonight, no child will not believe their parents when they tell them they can do anything. Well, what about girls?
11:59 PM Pretty eventful day. If you are happy or sad about the election of our chief executive, just remember, this country is still fucked up. And no matter who might have been sworn in come January, the man would still be taking over a financial crisis and a large scale military conflict. There’s a ton of work to be done, it won’t be fun and it won’t be easy. I’m going to step away from the blog and hope for the best on CA Prop 8. Tomorrow, well, despite the dramatic declarations of many, will pretty much be just like yesterday for most of us. But not all. Good luck Barry.

And people ask me why I live here

Fresh off a win in the American League Division Series, The Tampa Bay [retracted] Rays find themselves at the center of the baseball universe. The team’s meteoric rise to the top of the Major League’s toughest division has teams throughout the sport playing catch up.
“You just don’t see that in this day and age, a team going from worst to first,” said Neal Huntington, general manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates. “I mean maybe in the NFL, where you’ve got things like a salary cap, but not in baseball. Not in this day and age.”
“To me it reeks of parity. Parity! Parity? In Major League Baseball? In the American League East? That’s just crazy talk,” said Andy MacPhail, president of baseball operations for the Baltimore Orioles. He then went on to elaborate that he saw some potential humor in this season’s final standings. “Now parody, I could go for some of that. Like if The Onion had written a story about the D-Rays winning the AL East, I’d've gotten one helluva chuckle out of that. Probably would’ve sent it out as an e-mail to some of my other friends around the division.” When informed that The Onion specialized in satire and not parody, MacPhail angrily retorted “Well fine then Mr. Uppity Newspaper Dude, how about if Mad TV did a sketch on it? Would that suit you? ” As the unidentified, but petrified reporter retreated from the press room, MacPhail chased the reporter down the hall yelling “I can’t wait til the god damn internet puts your sorry ass out of business.”
Th success of the Rays has confused executives throughout the AL. Oakland A’s vice-president and general manager Billy Beane is perplexed as to how the Rays can build on this season’s winning ways. “Sure they have a base of veterans and young players, but they don’t have a hot pitcher to trade away for pennies on the dollar,” he said. “I don’t think Andy Sonnastine garnered enough attention despite his high win total and David Price didn’t even get called up until September…” At that point Beane was cut off when a deranged looking Al Davis wandered into the room and fired him. Beane just shrugged, “he does that two or three times a week, it’s actually kind of funny.”
“I sort of enjoy sharing a home with him,” Beane continued. “That old coot cracks us up around here.” During the September 14 game against the Texas Rangers, Davis wandered out onto the field of the Coliseum and yelled at A’s players to “get off his lawn.” Even those outside of the A’s and Raiders have been affected by Davis’s insane tirades. “That first Monday night game of the season against Denver was pretty harrowing,” said Ignacio De La Fuente, chair of the Oakland Alameda County Coliseum Authority. “First he saw Mike Shanahan and insisted on firing him. We told him that Shanahan coached the Broncos now, but that didn’t sway him. He then ordered one of his assistants to get Pat Bowlen on the phone so he could fire him for hiring Shanahan, Then the broadcast team walked by and he saw Ron Jaworski and thought it was Super Bowl XV and insisted that we sent out an intern to get him some red beans and rice from Pat O’Brien’s.”
New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman was enjoying a rather peaceful October. “Look at it, isn’t it beautiful,” Cashman beamed as he stood up from a park bench and pointed up and down Wall Street. “I come here every day, it’s quite relaxing.” Cashman explained that he usually has to take a vacation at the end of a season when the Yankees fail to capture a world championship. “One year I went to Afghanistan, another I traveled to a leper colony in Bangladesh. With the way things were shaping up this season, I had already booked a trip to Darfur. Then the market collapsed and I didn’t even have to leave the city.” Cashman then leaned back and rubbed his belly, the smile never leaving his face. “I mean I thought wasting $207 million was bad, but did you see what these guys did? I did steal some ideas from these guys though. I’m going to call Senator Clinton and see if she can get us a government bailout for the $40 million we gave Carl Pavano. He was definitely a sub prime pitcher.”
Some have attributed the winning ways of Tampa Bay to the name change. After last season, the Devil Rays shortened their name to the Rays. This trend has caught on like Wildfire (the Michael Martin Murphy song which reached number one on the charts in 1975 not Tommy Rich who reigned as NWA World Heavyweight Champion for four days in 1981). Jumping on board first was Toronto. “We are through with the Blue,” said the Toronto baseball club’s president Paul V. Godfrey. “From here on out we are just the Jays.” Quick to capitalize on that was Baltimore CEO Peter Angelos. After observing that the division already had a Rays and a Jays, he dropped the Orioles and rechristened his team the Baltimore Johnsons. “Get it?” Angelos excitedly asked. “The Rays, the Jays and the Johnsons. Like Ray Jay Johnson. Man that guy used to crack me up on the Redd Foxx Show. You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, and then he would just go on and on. You guys remember that right? Surely someone outside of the Simpsons writers room remembers that.”
The Yankees jumped on this opportunity to go back to their original nickname the Orioles. “That’s right, new stadium, new mascot,” said Hank Steinbrenner, head of the Bronx Party Chancellery. Later Steinbrenner changed his mind and decided to go in a different historical direction and changed the mascot again, this time to the Highlanders. Shortly after this decision was announced, Mayor Michael Bloomberg informed Steinbrenner that the change in the name of the stadium would cost taxpayer’s another $175 million. Steinbrenner then decided to make a different nod at history and changed the team’s name to the Yankees, which was the former name of the Highlanders four hours ago.
The Boston Red Sox got in on the act and dropped the Red. They will now just be known as the Sox. “Let’s face it,” said Boston principal owner John Henry “Most of our fan base never realized “socks” was misspelled. We just thought dropping the extra three letters would make it easier for Murph and Sully to make signs to bring to the games.”
Just moments after the press conference in Boston, one was held in Chicago where it was announced the White Sox were dropping the White, giving MLB two teams with the same nickname. “Shouldn’t be that big of a deal,” said commissioner Bud Selig. “It’s never been a problem for the CFL.”
In what some view as a rather tasteless move, The Cleveland Indians changed their name to the Steamers. When reached for comment team president Paul Dolan said “Have you ever been on urbandictionary.com? You need to check it out, then you’ll get it. Do you know how many t-shirts and caps we are going to sell to 14-22-year-old men? Big time revenue baby.”
The Detroit Tigers changed their name to the Detroit Magnums. “Look, Jack Morris was nice and all, but really the best thing to happen to this franchise since Al Kaline was Magnum P.I.,” said Detroit owner Michael Ilitch. He also added that the team will now wear Hawaiian shirts. The franchise looked around the Motor City to get some other championship caliber ideas. In addition to the flowered uniforms, next season, all players will wear a clear, protective mask. They also plan to sign more Russians and six foot tall women.
In Kansas City, the Royals surprised many by retaining their nickname. However, one slight change was made. “From here on out we are the Los Angeles Royals of Kansas City,” exclaimed CEO David Glass. “See our problem for decades has been that we are a small market team, well consider that problem solved. We now play in the second largest media market in the country. Also, we’ve now got the best bar-b-q in LA.”
With all of this action and excitement, Major League Baseball expects a big postseason. “The League Championship Series both start this weekend,” Selig said. “We think a lot of fans will be glancing at those scores as they scroll by on the ticker during football games.”

Boo!